My new favorite quote can also be viewed as a statement of my recent health storm. You know, the one where leukemia invaded my body so rampantly that it took a bone marrow transplant to rid it and restore health to my physical being.
This quote.
This one right here by the one and only Nelson Mandela - and if the photo is too small to read, here it is:
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
It packs a powerful punch for me, especially when I put it in context of the battle I fought from December 2012 through present. So many people have commented how brave I have been through this or how courageous I was during this horrific disease, but I can tell you this for certain: You are only as brave as the armor you put on. The weapons I chose to arm myself with? Faith and trust in God and the knowledge of who I am in Him.
I am participating in a new online Bible study through Proverbs 31 ministries, which I mentioned the other day when I shared my meaning of community. The study has recently begun and it is based on the book, “Limitless Life” by Derwin Gray. He was an NFL football player (not that this non-sports girl would have known) and is presently the founding pastor of the Transformation Church. I’m not going to give away everything in the book or the study, because you really need to read it for yourself and evaluate your own feelings and life journey as you go through the book. Besides, I’m only through Chapter 2, having begun reading the book on Tuesday. This very first chapter, “from Afraid to Courageous”, completely grabbed me and sucked me into the book from that quote alone.
Making the comparison between David & Goliath:
DAVID |
VS |
GOLIATH
|
Small and meek |
|
Big and Mighty |
Shepherd boy |
|
Warrior |
Weapons: a slingshot and some pebbles |
|
Weapons: a sword and shield |
Youngest of 8 sons of Jesse |
|
Over 9 feet tall |
Israelite and repeated, yet repentant, sinner |
|
Champion of Philistines |
Confident in Faith |
|
Confident in Power |
One would think it was easy to declare a winner before the battle would even begin. Obviously, to the naked eye, Goliath had a huge advantage over David. Unless you look at the last of my comparison….both had confidence, yet Goliath was confident in “power” and his role as a warrior, yet David, an average sinner, was confident in his “faith” and relied on the armor of God. In knowing that no matter his mental or physical shortcomings, sins, or lot in the earthly life, he had favor in God’s eyes…as all of us do…David found the strength to be BRAVE and COURAGEOUS in the face of the biggest giant many would ever see.
If you are unfamiliar with this story, read through I Samuel 17 for more information on the warriors and the battle.
Inarguably, Nelson Mandela is certainly a man who would know what fear and courage are. Perhaps that is a reason this quote is really sticking with me…or, perhaps, it is because I can see a huge part of my own self in this statement when looking at my own personal battle with a Goliath in my life…
JULIE |
VS |
CANCER (acute myeloid leukemia)
|
Small and meek |
|
Big and Mighty |
40+ year old wife, mother, daughter, friend |
|
Invasive life sucker |
Weapons: prayer, doctors, advanced medicine |
|
Weapons: quickly dividing and increasing cells that are strong |
Jesus girl but a sinner, nonetheless |
|
Worst Illness Ever |
Just one person |
|
Octopus-like tentacles invading my life & the lives of those I love |
Confident in Faith |
|
Confident in Destruction |
Yet here I stand. On Christ, the solid rock…my firm foundation. I did not know what my diagnosis would bring me. I had many dark, scary nights in a hospital room, somewhat unconsious, as the medicines did their best to battle against the cancer. However, I am convinced that the singlemost reason I was able to face this battle and had any chance of coming out ahead of cancer and returning home to my family was for one simple piece of armor that I have taken up my entire life: my faith in God.
Was I scared? Absolutely!
Am I still? Oh, definitely.
How do I handle those fears? Through prayer, the Word, devotionals and love. Love of my family and friends and the love of God & Jesus Christ. And you know what? Even in the eye of the storm, those fears are calmed when I go to God. "Jesus Take the Wheel"...not just a country song by Carrie Underwood, but a prayer uttered from the lips of a sinner who needs guidance.
We teach it to our children to trust God and the Veggie Tales' gang proclaims it, "God Is Bigger Than the Boogey Man". Once you truly believe and take up that suit of armor...the one of faith and trust and knowing to whom you belong, life is truly limitless.
It is simply a matter of focusing on that belief to get past the fear and Satan. Anyone can be courageous with Christ.
It is not small gift that God gave Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. That single gift is what helps me move mountains of fear so that I can triumph over the scariness of this journey. Through Christ alone, I have the couarge to face my Goliath. And regardless of how the medical arena may view the outcome … i.e. remission or recurrence, I know that the battle is won because God always triumphs over Satan…I take my cross with me everywhere because, as Derwin Gray was wise to point out, it wasn't just Jesus who walked out of the tomb the third day after he died on the cross for our sins, it was COURAGE. That cross I carry brings me courage to believe that I belong to God and Jesus. And because I believe in Jesus, I am confident that He will defeat all of my giants in life.