Here’s the thing…
Maybe I am more intentional in my relationships.
Maybe I do have a unique [and quite different] perspective at 45 years old than most ‘moms’ do.
Maybe I do go about my activities differently [and definitely slower].
Maybe I don’t attack my ‘to-do’ lists with a vengeance, eager to cross off things within a 24-hour period, anymore.
Maybe I do sit and rest more than I ‘should’.
Maybe [okay, definitely on this one] I take more pictures than the average girl or everyday life.
Maybe I enjoy the mundane tasks of everyday living, though I occasionally grumble that I’m the only one who loads or empties a dishwasher (Marty doesn't count here).
Maybe I enjoy the simple pleasures and delights that are mind-boggling to some.
Maybe I share my Christian beliefs on social media more than people want to hear.
Maybe I try to carve out a little niche in the world in which I endeavor to share the ways that God has been with me every step of this crazy leukemia/transplant journey.
And, maybe you find yourself wondering if I will ever “get over this” and stop talking about it.
...So, while I can’t predict the future any more than I could have predicted I would be in this current boat, I can tell you that the answer to the last question is ‘no’, and I will likely never stop doing any of the things I have listed above; nor is it very likely that I will stop talking about “Luke” and his effects for at least the next couple of years off and on. While I don’t care too much for his presence and lingering shadow, I do understand that Luke will always be holding court in a corner of my memory – for better and for worse – and that his presence is part of my story that enables me to testify that God is good…all the time, from the beginning, through the middle, to the end.
Yep, even those days when your body hurts, your heart is breaking, or you throw up your hands in exasperation, God is there and good. He is just waiting for you to cry out - in joy, anger, exasperation, however you want, as long as you reach out. He's reaching out to you - are you there grabbing onto his signs or are you blowing him off as 'coincidence'?
He created each of us for good works and good love and that is what we are experiencing every second of every day, although sometimes it’s difficult for us to see. It’s not up to God to give us good love for living, it’s up to each of us to find it and act on it ourselves as we share it with others. As I said via facebook when I was undergoing a chemo treatment, it’s no great surprise that ‘love’ and ‘live’ are only different by one simple vowel. You cannot ‘love’ without ‘living’ and to ‘live’ is to ‘love’. Both are action words. It’s good to be a verb. A noun is only interesting when attached to a verb and it’s even better when we are more intentional about noticing the verbs in our lives.
As you are more intentional in your acknowledgement of ‘love’ and ‘live’, it becomes easier to see the God-ness in the details. He is ‘so’ in the details…you just need to have open eyes and an open hear to notice the details.
So if you’re sick of me recognizing where I am on this healing road from ‘Luke’ and his after-effects;
Or if my ramblings about noticing the details of life and appreciating my relationships annoy you;
If you don’t believe in ‘chemo brain’ or could care less about my now-70-year-old hips (thank you, full body radiation for loss of bone density);
Or if you don’t truly understand that my immune system is compromised so I really can’t do a lot of things, but I'm so grateful for those things I can do, then understand this...
I’m truly sorry-not-sorry because it is a part of a bigger picture in my life…one where I have learned to Trust God, His Timing and See His Message. I may not always understand what He is doing or saying in my life, but I’m pretty sure He is using me as a messenger to be the feet and hands of Jesus to bring love and laughter into the hearts of those who aren’t sick of what I say. He wants me to help others also be Noticers of His Hand, Appreciators of His Love and sacrifice, and Movers in the world of actually living.
Are you a Noticer? An Appreciator? A Mover? I dare you to be one or all of those - the rewards are amazing!
No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.
(I John 4:12-16)